How does Mitch love thee?: In this video dug up by PageOne, Sen. Mitch McConnell gushes about his “friend” Sen. Ted Stevens, R- Alaska, commending him for his length of service in the U.S. Senate. He mentions how Stevens tended bar and sold his own blood (eek) to pay for college. Earlier this week, the decrepit Alaskan senator was convicted for accepting more than $250,000 in lavish gifts.

The breakup: Not surprisingly, Mitch has since changed his tune, and now is calling on the 84-year-old Republican to resign. And if Stevens doesn’t step down, Mitch says: “There is a 100 percent certainty that he would be expelled from the Senate.”

Backwoods behavior: University of Kentucky police are trying to find out what racist windbag hung an effigy of Barack Obama from a tree on campus.

The LA story: An effigy of a mannequin wearing a Palinesque hairdo, glasses and business suit was found hanging from a balcony in West Hollywood. Authorities there determined it was not a hate crime because it was part of a Halloween display, calling it simply “bad taste.”

Not your average infomercial: Barack Obama will address the public on national television for 30 minutes this evening. The New York Times got a sneak peek at his address. No word on whether he’ll be seated next to a crackling fire.