Sorry, no assless leather chaps-of-the-apocalypse or Sara Lee’s Soylent Green just yet — however, might we interest you in the best coupons this side of Armageddon? [If so, please leave your credit card/social security/blood type information in the comments section below and we'll get back with you...]

That’s right, fellow Recessionistas: WAVE-3’s ignoble “Coupon Club of The Damned” offers to the economically beleaguered such magical scrip, whereupon any variety of impending societal collapse or calamity can be mitigated by buying a gross of frozen chicken wings and a dozen liters of RC Cola. And by “ignoble,” we obviously mean the NBC affiliate’s characterization of people trying to save a buck as sociopathic, addictive, or otherwise cuckoo enough for Cocoa Puffs® coupons to maim and kill other people (animals, too).

No matter, though. Our economic Pavlovian behavior, with relation to the history of the American coupon-as-socio-economic artifact, has been honed for generations via an ever-expanding cadre of mediums — beginning with Newsprint and radio, then exploding with television and (increasingly) the internet. So it should come as no real surprise that, in our present age of cranial-implanted Twitter devices, the intensity of the shopping experience is now on par with similar, albeit ancient traditions like opium addiction. Or Jazzercising.

Like it or not it’s this kind of stuff that’s going to get our economy rolling again, folks. So let’s all pitch in and buy something to ease the crippling pain of our fiscally-doomed existence… like this.