Egads! There’s an AP article hosted over at the C-J that portends total internet Armageddon tomorrow, which also happens to be April Fool’s Day. Although it could be a simple ploy to scare people back into the habit of reading newspapers, we’re going to assume it’s real.
Here’s how it’s supposed to work: If your computer is one of the estimated 3 million to have already contracted the Conficker worm, then come tomorrow morning your PC/laptop/Macbrain will act as a sort of host body for the next phase: Transmission. It will then spread to other machines, duplicating itself, covering its tracks, until finally the virus emails half of all the credit card numbers in the United States to S.P.E.C.T.R.E.’s secret moon lair (or, as is most likely, China).
Here’s a pro tip: If you think your computer has been infected, proceed to read aloud from the Book of Psalms, douse it with consecrated gasoline, and send it back to Hell. It’s the only way to be sure.