Bureaucrat of Tomorrow, with family...

… then why not the President? We’re speaking of Barack Obama’s “accelerated” purchase of 17,600 new fuel-efficient, state-of-the-art, self-driving automobiles in his latest attempt at saving the world.

And the auto industry  — well, only the retarded part of the auto industry: GM, Chrysler, & Ford — all of whom stand to gain from the administration’s purchase of 17,600 new automobiles for the official Federal fleet.

We know what you must be thinking: How can I cash in on this once in a lifetime opportunity to win a free car courtesy of B-ROCK by way of the three worst car manufacturers on the planet? Well, you can’t! There are a few prerequisites, but basically you have to either work for Uncle Sam or be married to someone who does if you want to drive 35 mph in an electric car the size of a lesser farm animal to and fro the tanning salon.

And we know what you must be thinking also: That it’s a totally brilliant move by Premier Obama, right? While $285 million may not sound like a money these days, it will reduce our central bureaucracy’s gasppetite to the tune of 1.3 million gallons per year.

... and You of Today, with gay partner.

The purchase also acts to incentivize automobiles that are cleaner, cheaper, and in the long run far more affordable by setting an example that Obama (& GM) hope you, The Consumer, will follow. If it pays off, the cost of hybrids might come down to a more competitive level, although the measure itself may represent little more than a BandAid affixed to the perpetually-hemorrhaging Big 3 (all fleet-related cars must be purchased before June 1st of this year). At the very least, a few more people get to keep their jobs, if but for just a little longer.

Who knows? Maybe making cars that don’t suck could serve as good practice.