Glory, Glory Hallelujah

Political rallies, no matter the cause or the politics, are always the same. Aside from a few superficial points of contention there’s little to separate, say, an ACORN demonstration from the Tax Day Tea Party held early Wednesday morning; both events are sure to be filled with signs and jeering and fervent anti-American hatred. Although the absence of patchouli, hacky-sacks, and bongs was dutifully noted, today’s demonstration was replete with its own set of strange totems that you’d think only a drugged out, anti-war college demonstrator would wear

Like tea bags hanging from an old lady’s spectacles:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVqn_MsPjXM[/youtube]

Unfortunately, yr. humble correspondent has “issues” with the vast majority of consumer electronics manufactured after 2004, and as such a wonderful encounter with Dr. Frank Simon of Kentucky’s American Family Association didn’t make it onto YouTube…

I was primed for any number of virulent remarks from the crowd — Overheard was the tail-end of a discussion wherein the maxim “Can’t have no gays in the schools, man. I don’t want them corrupting my kids.” [sic] was espoused —  Yet by and large the crowd was resigned to bashing the Government, not the Gays.

Some time around noon, and the heavens opened up and handed me a precious and special gift: After signing up for the Campaign For Liberty listserv, the man next to me (who was already a member of the AFA and therefore was already on the Campaign For Liberty listserv) asked if Dr. Simon was around today.

“Yes,” said the kindly middle-aged woman behind the Campaign for Liberty fold-out table. “He’s right over there.”

I snapped my head round, searching, but I didn’t see him. I waited until the man left and asked the kindly woman if she could please point out the Good Doctor to me.

“Yes,” she said, pointing.

Again, couldn’t see him. Too many people, too many brightly colored signs. I became depressed, and contemplated stapling bags of tea to my jacket in the hopes that someone would dump me over the 2nd Street Bridge — that is, until I heard someone calling his name (“Doctor Simon!”) and I finally spotted him: A short, thin man with a gentle countenance, which I later deduced was due merely to advanced age. He was handing out stickers that had tiny black tea kettles printed on them.

“Excuse me,” I asked him. “Can I have another sticker?”

“Here you go,” he said and handed one to me. I affixed it next to the other one on my jacket.

“Hey,” I said, “have you heard anything about there being an alternative meaning to the words tea bag?”

He stared at me blankly, then shook his head.

“Well, the reason I ask is because there’s a lot of liberal types out there who are suggesting its some grand euphemism for something else. Do know what I’m talking about?”

“I don’t know anything about that,” said the doctor, his face exuding gentleness from every pore.

“Really? Not even—”

“No,” he said, and we left it at that.

4 Comments

  1. Kelly
    Posted April 15, 2009 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    These people are completely insane.

  2. Mac
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 10:10 am | Permalink

    um yeah… why do we even need the right to have politically based rallies and demonstrations? anyone that participates in such activities must be terrorists, because good little Americans don’t really pay attention to what is happening in the real world (see: “economy in the toilet, liberal establishment lost plunger”), they have more important things to do like watch “reality” TV or drool over whatever talentless morons hollywood or nashville are successfully selling us. and when it comes time for elections, those that show up to vote, vote for their daddy’s friends and/or whomever is cutest. economic policy is an illusion, you are getting very sleepy, and all that matters is superficiality. after all, if you don’t see it or understand it yourself, it just cannot be real… right? erm, left? whatever.

  3. Jarrett
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    Aww.. are you guys going to partner up with FOX News and start endorsing these things? I was sooo surprised to see that republicans waited for the new administration before protesting taxes *note the sarcasm*.. especially knowing this was the same tax plan we’ve been used to for the past eight years. How about we start protesting in a year, when all you people are paying taxes under the Obama Administration? I’m sure there will be a lot less noise next April 15th.. that is unless everyone from these tea parties makes less than $250,000.. though, I admit, I could be wrong; we might just have a boat load of rich revolutionaries.

  4. Jarrett
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

    and a side note.. yes. gays are to blame for higher taxes, war, hurricanes, plague, genocide, terrorism, and abortion. get those queer kids out of our schoools! (I guess that’s what we get for giving the ignorant the right to free speech)

    As long as your free speech doesn’t infringe on my rights as a citizen, go for it; but if you start influencing the further regression of our society, there will be a problem. I’m going to LOVE to see the look on the faces of these people when same-sex couples, in Kentucky, have the right to marry.. it’s coming very soon, brace yourself! it’s the end of sanctity as we know it!

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  1. [...] man who hates the gays with the fury of a thousand self-righteous, cognitively dissonant suns? Who pretends to not know what tea-bagging is really all about and lives in an alternate universe wherein Thomas Jefferson [...]

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