As a former student of our Commonwealth’s flagship public university, I’m readily familiar with many of the abhorrent, hedonistic behaviors that sociologists kindly refer to as “coming of age” rituals.

Phenomena like keg stands, hacky sack, acoustic guitars, date rape and basketball cheers represent futile attempts by the young adult to delay their inevitable confrontation with a Real World that cares little for their crippling loan debt or their exhaustive knowledge of existential French literature.

Yet Facebook was brand new in my days (i.e. before your mom was on it), and so none of this shit ever happened:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZq-1AKRrbk[/youtube]

You may be inclined to rejoice at this Facebook-enabled act of mindless self-indulgence. Yay Innernettes, right? We can mobilize for collective action and look cool at the same time! While Twittering!

But then, you’d be ignoring those few real students who, during the last minute frenzy of finals week, got the crazy idea to actually study at the library (maybe so they wouldn’t fail, or lose their scholarship, or get kicked out altogether) and were completely fucked over by those damn Alpha Betas.

That’s UK for ya: Big, mean, and — without a worthwhile NCAA program to fixate their energies upon — a hostile place for an honest nerd.