Before John McCain beat out Mitt Romney, Big Mike Huckabee and Rudy Giuliani for that coveted Republican nomination, there was another failed man who stirred the heart cockles of many a wayward conservative. His name? Ron Paul. His mission? To hump the ill-begotten ideals of Barry “My Mom’s A Tough Old Bird” Goldwater, lambast the current state of the Republican party (which is like picking on an autistic kid; mean, easy, but fashionable), and become the de facto figurehead for people who think 9/11 was planned by Zionist bankers and Illuminati swine.

Now, Dr. Paul has issued a proclamation attacking Congress… again. But wait! He’s talking about Iran, Holy Land of the Twitter, in terms that any dead, isolationist founding father would appreciate…

As an elected member of the United States House of Representatives, I have always questioned our constitutional authority to sit in judgment of the actions of foreign governments of which we are not representatives. I have always hesitated when my colleagues rush to pronounce final judgment on events thousands of miles away about which we know very little. And we know very little beyond limited press reports about what is happening in Iran. [via some libtard fringe site called LewRockwell.com]

Though we appreciate his sentiments (i.e. don’t stick your dick in someone else’s mashed potatoes), Paul fails to understand that we live in the year 2009. Due to the global capitalist blueprints laid by his other idol, Ronnie Reagan, the world is an increasingly interconnected place — not only economically, but culturally and politically. It doesn’t mean we’ve gotta bomb the shit out of them (see also: Vietnam, Iraq, Cambodia, Nicaragua, et al.), but attention must be paid, I think, to a state that may or may not have The Bomb — plus, nuturing a democratic revolution from the bottom up can find some echoing sentiments within our Declaration of Independence, but whatever. Paul attributes way more importance than is necessary to a House resolution that merely expresses disdain (something he knows a lot about), as if John Cornyn’s blathering will cause Ahmadinejad’s head to explode, “Scanners” style. Please.

But we can’t hate on him too much — any Congressmen who routinely informs his colleagues that they’re total failures can’t be that bad, but conversely, anybody who advocates one extreme (interventionism) for another (isolationism) is probably reading too much Ayn Rand.