Ahem: In case you didn’t already know, Kentucky’s finest Libertards will eschew the traditional American rituals of spending the Fourth of July with friends, family, fireworks and a possible trip to the drunk tank in lieu of standing on the steps of the state capitol to angrily wave bags of Earl Grey at The Man. (How elitist!)

So should you find yourself with absolutely nothing at all to do this Saturday, we recommend doing else… but, if you insist: The festivities will kick off at noon and run until two o’clock. Bring a bagged lunch, a chair, a flag (preferably ours) and whatever residual anger you have about that Barack Obama beating up on that old man and his lady friend. There will be speakers and (gasp!) an appearance by Frank “Doctor” Simon.

The best part? They’ll be having an open mic for anyone who wishes to deliver an incoherent 60-second speech. See you there (and by “there” I mean “nowhere close”)!