Wetter, Hotter American Summer

A new report released by The Nature Conservancy predicts that over the next 100 years, Kentucky’s average temperature is expected to rise 8.8 degrees, precipitation will increase by as much as 4.3 feet of rain per year, and we’re all going to DIE. This is all because of green house gases, by the way, which we don’t care enough about re: controlling them because, dangit, if China ain’t playin’ ball (even though they are) then why should we? (Perhaps because if everyone is dead then there won’t be an economy to fight over, which is dumb but whatever)

The analysis foresees average temperatures in the two states [Kentucky and Indiana] by the end of the century that could alter the seasons, with bursts of rain so brief and intense that it could actually result in more periods of drought.

The combination could wreak havoc on forests, fish and farming, while causing more heat-related deaths and torrential downpours, like the one that produced 6 inches of rain in a little more than an hour in Louisville on Aug. 4. [KentuckianaGreen.com]

Utilizing this nifty climate change wizard, you can play out best- and worst-case scenarios, wherein 20-30 percent of the planet’s plant and animal species inch ever closer toward extinction; locust swarms skeletonize entire Midwestern townships; crops fail; and roving vehicular gangs of psychopathic, assless leather chap-wearing marauders ride around with their air conditioners on while their windows are down. Apparently, your Congress is trying to legislate against this, but nowhere do they mention the assless chap-wearing marauders.


  1. unclebart
    Posted August 28, 2009 at 11:52 am | Permalink

    So…I should get my gutters fixed then. Or will the death come soon enough after the rain that I won’t have to try and sell my house.

  2. jmeador
    Posted August 28, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

    So long as your house can withstand zombies and blistering 200 Kelvin heat, your property values should skyrocket.

  3. Lu Reid
    Posted August 28, 2009 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    100 year weather forecasts. Cool. Now that’s some serious Doppler shit there.