A Teabagger’s Shopping Blacklist

Since you have been paying attention to more important things, a boycott of “liberal” businesses to be conducted by the tea party movement has probably evaded your radar. Allow the Christian Coalition-approved website to fill in the necessary blanks:

On January 20, 2010 we will demonstrate our power and reach to those companies who employ individuals backing the leftist agenda in every major city, every congressional district and every small rural town in America to spread one unified message. That message is simple: Stop funding socialism. When they refuse to stop backing the major opponents of Liberty, liberal media outlets and socialist leaning elected officials, then we proceed to financially cripple them.

These donors must be peacefully and overwhelmingly persuaded to stop funding the individuals in our government whose very actions are in opposition to the Constitution and your liberties provided therein. They are not accustomed to being exposed. They are not used to being challenged but now it is time to unmask the people seeking to end our free market system and place a massive citizen applied tourniquet on their money flow as a direct response the way they have taken ours from our paychecks and our futures. To achieve this goal will require our insoluble cooperation and complete commitment to self-sacrifice for the cause of Liberty.

This goes on for several more paragraphs, in which time you might find yourself boring a diamond-tipped auger drill into your eyes. (A USA-made diamond tipped auger drill, of course (minus the diamonds…))

But I digress: A good number of people are probably going to swallow this tripe, chase it with a Belgian-owned “American Lager” and head to WalMart anyway…wait, what’s that you say? Evil daemon-liberal Hillary Clinton was a board member of this fine, upstanding and largely Chinese-trade-deficit-empowered American corporate citizen? Where oh where can a teabagger burn his/her right-wing capital? Here’s a list:

Yum! Brands — A handful of board members have contributed to the political campaigns of John McCain and Mitt Romney, making KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell kosher. However, one board member gave money to Hillary’s campaign, so maybe try and limit your #3 meal by forgoing the 97 oz. Magnum Gulp Pepsi, you know, to balance things.

Target — Board members have contributed to Republican presidential campaigns three times more than they have to Democrats. Shop ’til you drop (or are crushed by debt)

K-Mart — Higher percentage of GOP donors than Target = more patriotic than effeminate, liberal Targét. Just steer clear of the Martha Stewart Living product line: The home guru is a donkey lover, through and through, and hates Sarah Palin.

Kroger — Board is ideologically split, with some members donating to both parties. Psssh.. we ‘Mericans can hunt, kill, field dress and cook our own meats, thank you very much.

Tyson — This unsustainable, mutant-poultry slaughtering powerhouse likes its politicans the way it likes its debeaked chicken: the redder the better.

John Deere — The iconic “small town, real ‘Merica” company known for its green tractors and despicable hipster fashion items is actually a mix of GOP and Dem boardmembers. Solution: Outsource landscaping to Mexico.

Or (and this is a big or) you could just not be a douchebag and shop locally. Your choice.

[All results courtesy of NNDBMapper]

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