Earlier today, I had the unique pleasure of reading a press release announcing the candidacy of J.D. Sparks for the office of Oldham County magistrate. It mentioned so many of Mr. Sparks’ accomplishments, works and other politically-empowering deeds that, had I not been personally attacked by him, I’d be inclined to believe that I was reading about a decent human being.
Last May, while covering the Kentucky GOP’s annual Lincoln Day Dinner, Mr. Sparks introduced himself by physically assaulting me in an attempt to escort my credentialed, reporting-ass out of the Galt House ballroom, where the event was being held. A minor legal battle ensued, wherein Mr. Sparks ultimately pled guilty to a charge of disorderly conduct, was issued an EPO to stay the fuck away from me, paid some fines and would have to live with this incident on his record for five years — even though trying (and failing) to withdraw his plea with a high powered lawyer in an effort to expunge the charge from his record, presumably for reasons of political ambition.
It came as a little bit of a surprise, then, to read that “local leaders” in Oldham County would support a known criminal with serious boundary issues and a short temper. But in a self-aggrandizing press release that conveniently fails to mention this one, shining example of the J.D. Sparks that I know, keeping things vague when necessary is probably the smart (and expedient) thing to do.
So I guess all I’m saying is that it will be a pure delight covering his candidacy; I wish him luck. (Pro tip: Don’t assault the babies, just kiss them and move on)
[Here's a link to the Oldham Observer, whom has more reason to be terrified of a Sparks-win than I do]