Since it was discovered this morning in a trashcan in Iroquois High School, Louisville’s most famous dead fetus has given local news outlets plenty to write about, even though many have reported that “details remain scarce.” Nearly 20 different news stories have been filed since the baby — whose name has been withheld by authorities because it probably wasn’t given a name — was discovered by a custodian, whom apparently is being offered his own talk show this story is so popular.
The most gratuitous coverage came from WHAS11, who thought their readership would be interested in the exact age and sex of the baby, as if that information might have some kind of impact on the factual understanding of a weirdly personal event blown up and magnified for a lazy press by a lazy press. But hey: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT AND THE ADVERTISERS MUST BE HAPPY ABOUT ALL OF THIS DEAD-BABY WEB TRAFFIC!
The only sensible statement came from Iroquois High School’s principal, Joey Riddle, who in a letter to parents said:
This letter is to inform you about the Louisville Metro Police investigation on our campus today. I want to make sure you have accurate information and dispel any rumors you may have heard about this incident.
Early Monday morning, our custodian discovered a very early stage fetus in a receptacle in the girls’ restroom. Our School Resource Officer was immediately notified. He contacted his LMPD supervisors and they quickly began investigating the situation.
Students and staff were never in any danger. Our building was never placed on “Lock Down”. However, students stayed in their first period class for an extended time, allowing the LMPD the opportunity to investigate this situation.
This sad incident should be a reminder to parents to keep the lines of communication open with your daughters and sons. Pregnancy can be extremely confusing and frightening for teenagers. Providing support and open lines of communication can help keep your child safe and healthy.
In other baby-related news, the Chinese are apparently eating them to gain sexual powers (WARNING: NSFW), the Sudanese treat them like soldiers and, closer to home, eastern Kentucky children are virtually forgotten. But yes: WE WILL NOT FORGET THIS PARTICULAR NAMELESS FETUS.
But srsly kids: Talk to somebody (a friend, a relative, a weird guidance counselor, anyone) if you’re sexually active and think you’re preggers. Better yet, give a call to Planned Parenthood — anything to prevent this from happening again.