Paul forces woman to worship pot deity

That’s the story according to GQ, which reported on Paul’s weirdo-college days at Baylor University whilst a member of the gang of douchebags secret society NoZe:

The strangest episode of Paul’s time at Baylor occurred one afternoon in 1983 (although memories about all of these events are understandably a bit hazy, so the date might be slightly off), when he and a NoZe brother paid a visit to a female student who was one of Paul’s teammates on the Baylor swim team. According to this woman, who requested anonymity because of her current job as a clinical psychologist, “He and Randy came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They’d been smoking pot.” After the woman refused to smoke with them, Paul and his friend put her back in their car and drove to the countryside outside of Waco, where they stopped near a creek. “They told me their god was ‘Aqua Buddha’ and that I needed to bow down and worship him,” the woman recalls. “They blindfolded me and made me bow down to ‘Aqua Buddha’ in the creek. I had to say, ‘I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.’ At Baylor, there were people actively going around trying to save you and we had to go to chapel, so worshiping idols was a big no-no.”

Nearly 30 years later, the woman is still trying to make sense of that afternoon. “They never hurt me, they never did anything wrong, but the whole thing was kind of sadistic. They were messing with my mind. It was some kind of joke.” She hadn’t actually realized that Paul wound up leaving Baylor early. “I just know I never saw Randy after that—for understandable reasons, I think.”

When I asked Benton late last week if Paul remembered any of these episodes from his Baylor days, he replied in an email: “During his time at Baylor, Dr. Paul competed on the swim team and was an active member of Young Conservatives of Texas.”

That’s right: “Aqua Buddha,” a mystical deity whose primary form of worship requires the inhalation of marijuana smoke and the subjugation of a nubile co-ed. Those interested in learning more about Aqua Buddha may join His Facebook group, which is really taking off.

The Paul campaign — despite repeated non-denial denials — is threatening to sue the magazine for slander/reporting the truth. As reported by Slate, Paul’s campaign manager, Jesse Benton, responds with this tired horseshit: “We are investigating all our options — including legal ones. We will not tolerate drive-by journalism by a writer with a leftist agenda.”

Of course, when one thinks about GQ, one obviously thinks about its left-leaning politics instead of, say, its pro-corporate stance on selling memes of male luxury and the ridiculously overpriced products those memes require.

Last night, WHAS-11 ran this story, featuring yet another non-denial denial from Benton:

I am sure that some leftist agenda driven writers will try to drub up other nonsense, but they will find slim pickings even when they take extreme liberties with truth. Jack Conway and the liberal elites cannot win on the real issues of jobs, debt and out of control spending, so they will try the only avenue left to them: the character assassination of good man.

Of course, more will come out and it will be crazy, so for now the only thing left to do is fire up your MS Paint machine and enter Barefoot & Progressive’s Urgent Aqua Buddha Photoshop Contest. According to B&P’s moderator, Josef Sonka, the winner will receive, “a bottle of Aqua Velva and a bag of pot.”


  1. Steve Magruder
    Posted August 10, 2010 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    Rand Paul is a “good man”? Could’ve fooled me.

  2. Gwyn
    Posted August 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm | Permalink

    Wait, “Aqua Buddha” isn’t a Parliament-Funkadelic song?

  3. Puhn Tang
    Posted August 12, 2010 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    Did Sonka ever find that militia-nut teabagger who murdered that poor census worker?