Kentucky: A Dark and bloody (and dumb, and depressed, and bored, and…) ground

Don’t forget fat. Or stupid. Or cancer-laden. Or incarcerated. Or stricken with Mountain Dew-mouth. Or, uh … did we say fat already? We meant obese. Yeah: Obese.

Any way you cut it, the great (?) commonwealth of Kentucky exhibits tell-tale signs of being seriously fucked-up, staggering in the nation like a toothless, morbidly obese friend who pisses himself after a handle of Heaven Hill whiskey and seven hours across a polluted river feeding at Paula Deen’s shame-trough.

Now the elitist (and infinitely better lived) staff of The New York Times has released a handy visual-aid with which to gain a more accurate view of Kentucky’s penchant at topping every worst-of list you can imagine. Take a look:

As you can see, the entirety of The South is one sad, orange-drab place. (Note our coal-rich sister, West Virginia, also entirely orange…) But do not worry, ye fellow Kentuckian: Your exceptional illiteracy most likely prevented you from fully soaking in this bad news, so have another beer on the house (unless it’s been foreclosed on; go back to Heaven Hill instead).

Oh, and remember: When you feel that sadness monkey on your back, just do as papaw does:


  1. facebook fans
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    A few things i dont understood is at reality how you would will actually much more well-preferred than there’s a chance you’re right now Youre very intelligent You already know thus significantly on the subject of this matter, produced everyone imagine it from countless varied angles Its like both males and females dont look like involved unless it’s one thing to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs nice Always deal with it!

  2. Fat ass
    Posted May 24, 2013 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    It is soo fun in Kentucky u need to shut your fucken mouth and just go u bitch and I’m 58 pounds and u call that fat bitch huh ya u just got burned bye 13 year old bitch

2 Trackbacks

  1. [...] We Suck. It’s on this Map: Check out this interactive map from the New York Times. It shows what we already knew — Kentucky is in the bottom of every measure of health and well-being in the land. Thanks, LEO [...]

  2. [...] No wonder we’re so depressed here: Only a politician/malevolent reptilian humanoid from Rigel 7/Wall Street banker would have the cojones to tell the American people that lowering your quality of life standards and shaving a year or two off of their lives is a good recipe for economic resurgence. [...]