Any way you cut it, the great (?) commonwealth of Kentucky exhibits tell-tale signs of being seriously fucked-up, staggering in the nation like a toothless, morbidly obese friend who pisses himself after a handle of Heaven Hill whiskey and seven hours across a polluted river feeding at Paula Deen’s shame-trough.
Now the elitist (and infinitely better lived) staff of The New York Times has released a handy visual-aid with which to gain a more accurate view of Kentucky’s penchant at topping every worst-of list you can imagine. Take a look:
As you can see, the entirety of The South is one sad, orange-drab place. (Note our coal-rich sister, West Virginia, also entirely orange…) But do not worry, ye fellow Kentuckian: Your exceptional illiteracy most likely prevented you from fully soaking in this bad news, so have another beer on the house (unless it’s been foreclosed on; go back to Heaven Hill instead).
Oh, and remember: When you feel that sadness monkey on your back, just do as papaw does: