The gubernatorial race will likely be called by 7 p.m., and the only race where the victor might be in doubt by 9 p.m. is the commissioner of agriculture race, but there still will be plenty to keep an eye out for tonight during the election returns in Kentucky.

Here’s a list of the only vaguely interesting things to watch for:

#1. David Williams’ concession speech

There will be nothing “vaguely” interesting about this speech. It will be enthralling, and entirely unpredictable. There could be tears. There could be all out rage. There could be finger pointing at the media, Steve Beshear, unfaithful Tea Partiers, unfaithful establishment Republicans, or any innocent bystander that makes the foolish mistake of making eye contact with him. He could also shock everyone by giving a graceful and classy acceptance speech, congratulating Beshear and wishing him the best, saying that he looks forward to working with him in a bipartisan spirit in January. Bonus drama points if he boldly declares that he will remain Senate president, and dare any traitor Republicans to have the balls to test him.

#2. Edelen vs. Grimes

Barring a huge shocker in an unpredictable low turnout race, both Adam Edelen and Alison Lundergan Grimes should easily dispatch their Republican opponents in the auditor and secretary of state races. But the real drama is who gets the title of Next Young Kentucky Democratic Star Going Into 2015, and whoever wins by the highest margin gets the early lead. We’re guessing that Grimes will gain a slight early lead tonight.

#3. Throw David Under the Bus

A.) Comer/P’Pool

In the first installment of this game, we watch Republicans Jamie Comer and Todd P’Pool (ag commish and attorney general candidates) if they lose tonight. In any regular year, Comer would win in a landslide, and P’Pool might be the favorite. But this is not an ordinary year, and the man to blame is David Williams. These two “young rising stars” of the Republican party were supposed to use this race as a springboard to higher office, but a loss would set them back dramatically. If they do lose, they have two options: concede that the Democrat just ran a better race, or tell the truth, which is that Williams’ horrid popularity and campaign did them in. If they’re interested in status, they’ll blame Williams. If they’re interested in loyalty to Williams… good God, man, you’re hitching your wagon to the wrong star.

B.) David Adams and the Great Tea Party Schadenfreude

Adams, the Kentucky Tea Party guru, has already gotten a head start in this game, dancing on his enemy’s political grave with great joy over the past month. Expect no less than 10 mocking, jeering tweets directed at Williams, as well as interviews doing the same with any media outlet willing to talk to him. Expect him to also make some references toward overthrowing the non-Tea leadership in the Republican Party of Kentucky. And expect the Tea Party to come out of hiding and go back to the direct animosity that they had toward Williams before the primary (RINO, secret communist, etc…), especially since they’ll blame him for the losses of Tea Party candidates Bill Johnson and John Kemper. If they do it within earshot of Williams (or his wife), expect a verbal brawl to ensue.

C.) Frankfort Republicans

Every Republican legislator, assuming Williams’ loss is in the 25 percent range, will be asked this question by the media: Do you think David Williams should remain in leadership in the state Senate, or do you think the Republican Party needs to go in a different direction considering the voters’ overwhelming rejection of him and his agenda? Which side are you on, boys, which side are you on? (See P’Pool/Comer, above.)

#4. National Pundits Praising Beshear and his Campaign as Svengalis

This incoherent noise has already started, and expect it to continue. They’ll say that his victory was due to brilliant strategy and some kind of post-partisan can’t-we-all-get-along voodoo that he cast over Kentucky. In actuality, it’s mostly due to the fact that he ran against one of the most unlikable candidates in human history. Also, he managed to act like a conservative Republican for most of his term, never make any tough decisions on important issues, sell out the health of his constituents to a small business interest, and help destroy any chance of any left-of-center Democrat winning a statewide race in the state for a very long time. If that’s your idea of “genius,” you have a very low bar, or you have no political ideology, my friend. Also, here’s another secret to his success: While everyone in Kentucky has been talking about how unpopular Obama is here, the Republicans in Washington have quietly become just as unpopular with Kentuckians, if not more. Chew on that.

#5. To Sweep or Not to Sweep?

The Democrats are looking to ride the running-against-Williams-at-top-of-the-ticket wave to a full sweep of all six races tonight, and they have a pretty good chance of doing so. Comer running against comedian and inbred-toothless-joke-teller Bob Farmer is likely the best chance for Republicans, but even though he’s more qualified, spent more money, and didn’t insult rural Kentuckians, the drag on him by Williams (and the name “Farmer”) might be too much for him to overcome. The next best chance is likely P’Pool, but Conway was still able to outspend him, and “P’Pool” sounds suspiciously French (which any self-respecting red-blooded good ole boy would certainly not tolerate). If Republicans are able to steal both of these races, they should consider tonight a huge victory in the face of very long odds. If they win three, they’ll be popping champagne. I’m betting on the full sweep, because I’ve learned to never overestimate Kentucky.

#6. The Best Jokes are on the Twitter Machine

Be sure to follow #kyelect on the Twitter Contraption tonight, where you will definitely find the best mocking of these ridiculous candidates on both sides of the aisle. These candidates have thick skin, so they can take it. Well, everyone but Williams. We’ll be at @LEOWeeklyNews, so follow along with us as we take in the unbridled joy and celebration live in Lexington at the David Williams/RPK victory party. I’ll be the dude with the laptop and Hindu-dot on his forehead.

And go vote, if you haven’t already. Even if you have to put in a write-in candidate in every race, as that might be all your conscience allows you to do.