One week from today is the next round of America’s favorite new reality television program, the GOP’s “Please Let Us Elect Anyone Other Than Mitt Romney Show”, as Michigan and Arizona will hold their Republican presidential primaries.
The past year has witnessed a long list of frontrunner contestants that were either voted out or quit — Sarah Palin, Mitch Daniels, Chris Christie, Tim Pawlenty, Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain — but the current flavor of the month appears to possibly be the real(ly crazy) thing. Radical-Pastor impersonator Rick Santorum has vaulted to the lead in national polls, and stands an excellent chance of defeating Romney in his “home state” of Michigan.
However, the GOP establishment is already scared to death that Santorum will win (and Obama will win really big), and are desperately searching for another last-minute candidate to enter the race. Someone who is firm in his stance, lights up a room when instructed to, looks cool wearing shades, and won’t cheat on their spouse/get high on pain pills/talk about banning contraception. Sources close to Mitch McConnell tell LEO Weekly that he is currently in negotiations to recruit a table lamp into the race.
But speaking of lamps and Mitt Romney’s beloved hometown, we’d be remiss in our duties if we did not share this latest creation of AFSCME. Enjoy:
It still boggles the mind that this guy can’t connect with voters.
We just received a tip that though Romney is hated by the dog-loving demographic, this might be the perfect opportunity to go after turtle people: