Tag Archives: swine flu

Swine-proof Santas Prepare for Holiday Onslaught

November 20, 2009 – 5:08 pm

All this talk of H1N1 deadliness has obscured one important at-risk demographic. They’re not children. They’re not pregnant women. And no, they’re not the elderly.
Ye, they be mall Santas.
Many of the nation’s Santas want to be given priority for the vaccine and not just because of those runny-nosed kids. There’s also the not-so-little matter of [...]

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Lexington: H1N1 Capital of the Commonwealth

November 10, 2009 – 5:22 pm

Recently, we informed you that WLKY ran a story about how Louisville is the number-one city in these United States for dirtiest internet keyword searches: Because this information is useful. Now we are proud to report that we’ve managed to dodge another auspicious title, this time being the county with the second-most reported swine flu [...]

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Will Work For Swine Flu

November 3, 2009 – 3:56 pm

In what amounts to a sound argument for taking better care of our service economy’s indentured servants, The New York Times reports that alarming numbers of H1N1-infected wage slaves are reporting to work sick because, well, they can’t really afford to miss a day’s pay in this economy.
When Latisha Carter caught H1N1 from her 6-year-old [...]

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How To Not Contract Swine Flu

April 27, 2009 – 7:44 am

Put down that breakfast pork sandwich, friend, and listen up:
(1) Don’t go to Mexico any time soon, even though it’d be super cheap right now… unless you happen to be our crazy-ass President, in which case don’t wash your hands until they’ve shook Kim Jong-Il’s.
(2) Don’t eat the sweet, delicious pork. But if you must, [...]

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